OK. So last night, which was Friday, I went and hung out with Li ming and some of her friends: Karla, Ashley, and Trent? (I think…). We all got dropped off at the mall after school, and then we walked out behind the mall and through some woods, to this little hidden fire circle. There were logs for seats and a bunch of empty bottles and cigarette butts everywhere. Li ming sat down on a log and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her backpack. She opened it and offered me one! I’d never ever smoked anything before, and I wasn’t sure, but she is so damn cool, and I didn’t want to look like a huge dork in front of her and her friends.
So, I smoked my first cigarette yesterday, and it was SO GROSS. I almost died coughing too. How do people do that shit every day? They taste SO BAD. *BLECK*
But yeah, then her friend pulled out a glass pipe and some weed! I’d only ever seen weed on TV before. I didn’t want to do any, but Li ming smoked some and then offered it to me and told me it was OK, that it wasn’t like anti-drug propaganda says at all, so I took just the tiniest hit. I started coughing again like crazy and honestly, I didn’t feel really anything. I don’t get the big fuss, but Li ming gave me a big hug after I did it and that was great.
I feel so strangely about her…
I really wanted to kiss her yesterday…and I feel like she was looking at me in almost the same way.
I’m prolly insane though. First of all, I’m not gay. Second, why in the world would she possibly ever want to kiss ME?? Even if I was gay… I don’t know. I’m really super confused. I wish I had someone I could talk to instead of typing out all of my feelings on this stupid private blog.