I’ve had to use an old school paper journal for a while, because yay, Shea got sent to the psych ward!
I skipped school all last week to sit in the bushes by Li ming’s house to wait until she got home from school or whatever she was doing in the afternoon.
On Monday, when I came home, my mom started yelling at me right when I walked in the door. The school finally called her and said I’d missed a week of classes. I’m surprised they didn’t call sooner.
But yeah, she flipped shit on me and called dad and he is such a fucking asshole.
I couldn’t handle it anymore and I started the car in the garage after she went to sleep.
But Charlie came in the garage for some reason and found me about to pass out and then got me out and woke mom up. Then hospital and then psych ward.
Mainly, I just wrote poems to Li ming the whole time I was in the hospital. I thought about her the whole time, that’s for sure! I started to try and call her a couple times because I know her number by heart & she wouldn’t have the hospital’s number blocked so she’d be more likely to pick up, but I got too nervous.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone there because they weren’t Li ming. My mom came to see me one day, but I told them I didn’t want to see her because they won’t let visitors in unless you want them there! There were a couple kids that seemed pretty cool, but I really just wanted to be by myself with my poems. It was bullshit that I had to sneak a pencil up my sleeve so that I could write in my room at night. One of the rules was no sharps in the rooms and I couldn’t have my stuffed bear either so blah.
The doctors put me on something called olanzapine because they said I have borderline personality disorder.
I’m not taking that shit. Fuck that. It makes me shake. I only took it in the hospital because that’s what I needed to do to get out of that shit hole.
When I see Li ming at school on Monday, I’m gonna give her all of the poems I wrote to her in the hospital and the painting I did of her.